JOKES

[hotrod38]

Men never listen.

On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said,” You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.”

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn’t resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men’s restrooms don’t have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water,gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.

“What happened?” he exclaimed.

“You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse.

“The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

[Blowmax10]

A woman returns home and her Husband says to her "you have three choices, you can either take it up the rear, suck me off or come fishing"
The wife considers this and says "well theres no way im going to let you stick it in there and I really hate fishing."
so she gets on her knees and begins to suck him off but quickly stops with a disgusted look on her face "Yuck it tastes like poo."
"I know," her husband tells her, "the dog didnt want to come fishing either!"

[TheMadHopper]

One day, the woman asks, "Can we try to make love with the lights off?"

The man says, "OK, but how will you know when I want to make love?"

The woman says, "Well, when you're in the mood, just shake my left breast once, and I'll know. If you don't want to, shake my right breast once."

The man says, "All right. And if you want to make love to me, shake my penis once, if you do not want to make love to me, shake my penis about 50 times."

[Sent From My iPhone]

A wealthy woman was being shown around
the hospital. During her tour she passed
a room where a male patient was
masturbating furiously.

'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! ...... Why is he doing that?'
The doctor who was leading the
tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where
his testicles rapidly fill with
semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in
extreme pain
and his testicles could easily rupture."
''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's
okay" said the woman..
As they passed by the very next room,
they saw a male patient
lying in bed while a nurse performed
oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how
that can be justified?"
The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same
illness, better health plan."

[Blowmax10]

A woman from Los Angeles , CA who was a tree hugger, a democrat, and
an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland, near Colville , WA .

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She
wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to
climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl
that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the
tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In
considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a Doctor. She
told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and
how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story
with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room
and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours
before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, What took you
so long?
He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of
Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down.

[fluffhead]

What does a 9 volt battery and a womans asshole have in common...

..You know your shouldn't put your tounge on it, but you still do..at least once

[Ironman]

A boy was born without eyelids in Seattle yesterday. The surgeons were able to use his foreskin to fashion him some and the operation was a qualified success. He is a little cock-eyed.

[Bugeater]