Re: Merry Christmas, Bitches!

Wed Dec 25, 2013 12:04 am

Here we go again Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except me and my spouse.
We were in the garage and bottling beer,
To give to our guests who soon would be here.

We bottled off kegs with full carbonation,
and wonderful beers for the great celebration.
I was a filling and wife was a capping
We were getting real tired and ready for napping.

With the last bottle filled and the mess stowed away
We trudged off to bed and to call it a day.
When all of a sudden we heard a commotion
That kicked on the lights affected by motion.

We ran to the window and out in our yard
Was a drunken old fat man I thought crashed his car.
I grabbed me a golf club to serve as a tool
To teach a short lesson to some drunken fool.

I threw open the door and what?s this I see?
It was Santa Claus taking a leak on my tree.
Unable to speak, I just watched in dismay
As he shook it a few times and put it away.

I continued to watch as I gathered my wits
And he went to his sleigh for his bag full of gifts.
It was then that I noticed the tiny reindeer
That pulled Santa?s sleigh on this night of the year.

I saw Donder and Vixen and then realized
That Cupid was leaving my lawn fertilized.
Then Santa squeezed past me and right through the door
To lay out the gifts near the tree on the floor.

A train set for Jimmy, a dolly for Sue,
A conical fermenter for I think you know who.
A sweater for sweetie that matches her hair
Were all laid out gently with great loving care.

I offered old Santa a beer and some cheese
His eyes grew real wide and as bright as you please.
?I?m sick of those cookies and milk that they leave.
If I have to eat more, then I swear I will heave.?

He sucked down with gusto my double IPA
And nibbled some cheese as he started to say,
?This beer is real tasty, it?s malty and hoppy.
It?s much better I say, than the crap from Milwaukee?

First one beer, then two beers and then it was three.
I think it was six, then he had to go pee.
He gathered his gift bag and went on his way
He had many more stops before Christmas day.

The next thing I knew old Santa was gone
And only some droppings were left on the lawn.
I heard him pass over the roof of my house
And said ?merry f-ing Christmas? I think he was souse
The only soldier in the BN ARMY with Ink on his legs promoting The Brewing network and BN ARMY. Prost

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Henning1966
 
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Re: Merry Christmas, Bitches!

Wed Dec 25, 2013 10:16 am




Oh give me a noose I can hang from the tree,
I need no excuse to end my misery,
This holiday season is all the more reason to die.

Oh pull up a stool, lend an ear to a fool,
Who once found some solace in the season of Yule,
This holiday season is all the more reason to cry.

I put on my mittens, one green and one red,
And I walk alone where they bury the dead,
The snow falls as I breathe, it's a gothic death rock Christmas eve.

The bottle is empty, the sleigh has a flat,
The stripper in my bed is ugly and fat,
Her tassels are tangled and what's worse my jingle won't jangle.

This time of the year makes me sick to my guts,
All this good cheer is a pain in the nuts,
When it's your career to be down in the dumps,
Tidings of comfort and joy really suck.

I feel like Saint Nicolas is pulling my leg,
This thing we call Christmas is sorry black plague,
This holiday season is all the more reason to die.
Lee

"Show me on this doll where the internet hurt you."

"Every zoo is a petting zoo if you man the fuck up."

:bnarmy: BN Army // 13th Mountain Division :bnarmy:
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Ozwald
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Re: Merry Christmas, Bitches!

Wed Dec 25, 2013 10:48 am

Always good for a bit of good cheer, Oswald.
That one got me right in the feelers.
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snowcapt
 
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Location: Alexandria, MN

Re: Merry Christmas, Bitches!

Wed Dec 25, 2013 1:29 pm

Aww... :unicornrainbow: :nutters:

It always conveys that special something I feel every year around this time. It's not actually Waits or Murphy. It's a band from Georgia, I think. Porn Grove? Porn Orchard? Something like that. They did a pretty decent job mimicking those guys. You'd have to be a real big fan to catch the little nuances that they missed - I can tell it more with "Tom" than with "Peter".

That 4th verse is just pure gold.
Lee

"Show me on this doll where the internet hurt you."

"Every zoo is a petting zoo if you man the fuck up."

:bnarmy: BN Army // 13th Mountain Division :bnarmy:
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Ozwald
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