... And in today's police reports

[Ozwald]

A caller reported a man in a camouflage jacket driving a Nissan Pathfinder. The man wasn't on anybody's property, he was just in his truck, but when the caller waved at him he had a "strange look on his face," so the caller says something isn't right.

These are the types of idiots who live in Bozeman. Next he'll be calling in to report that weeds are growing in his lawn & he didn't plant them there.

[Ozwald]

Busy day.

A caller wanted officers to check on something wrapped in plastic that looked “strange” on 19th Avenue. It was a plastic tarp that covered a person's garden.

Not an extremely large rectangular corpse? Darn.

An officer checked on a man who was sitting in a vehicle drinking beer and throwing up out of the door.

Checked on?

A caller complained about three to four people who had a soccer ball and were listening to music on Hunters Way at 10:30 p.m.

Not soccer! That's the devil's sport!

When a man was out of town, he said someone came into his home and winterized his pipes. He said the person also rifled through his things and took a pair of sunglasses.

They also painted his shutters & changed the oil in his lawnmower.

[TheDarkSide]

Bernie, Bernie, Bernie...
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/23953950/bernie-kosar-complained-about-his-offensive-line-during-sobriety-test

Dad rips him off, daughter is a porn star, and he obviously has a drinking problem...he'd move right to the top of my death pool.

[Dirk McLargeHuge]

Lufkin, TX always has weird police reports. And Texas Monthly has a column devoted to them.

[Ozwald]

Officers served a warrant to a person already being held in the Gallatin County jail.

It took several hours to locate the suspect.

A caller said his neighbor asked him to put the neighbor's old dog down due to health issues. The caller wanted to know if it was OK to shoot the dog at his neighbor's house. He was advised not to shoot it in a residential area.

I'll pass on the joke on this one. Not a funny situation, but I thought it was worth putting in here.

Lufkin, TX always has weird police reports. And Texas Monthly has a column devoted to them.

Yeah, those are pretty much par for the course around here too. Must be something in the water. Or a general statement on the intelligence of people today. Both the criminals and the people who report the most ridiculous things. What's sad for our paper is that frequently more serious issues are omitted (like when I spotted the fire & explosion at the lumber yard - never did hear what happened).

[Bugeater]

I remember one from a small town paper many years ago. The fire department had been called to deal with a fire that started when a pan of chicken had caught on fire. She managed to put the fire out by the time the fire fighters arrived. The fire chief reported "there was no damage, except to the chicken."

This was an actual clipping from my local paper. Must have been a real slow news day.

[mordantly]

back in the late 80s, a guy was found inside a portapotty at a state campground in my town. he "enjoyed the sights and smells" and was wearing a rain coat down in the tank. a 5000 gallon truck was brought to hose the dipshit down before he was arrested.

[Dirk McLargeHuge]

Bugeater reminded me of one in the local paper about 10 years ago. The fire department was called to smoke coming from a structure in a neighbor's yard. The neighbor was smoking sausage.